Ugly Things I Own – The Hands

Those of you, who have been to my home, will remember that I have excellent tastes. I am a particularly good decorator, even if I tend to think minimalism is something that happens to other people. I have many lovely and interesting things scattered about my home, because I have a spectacular sense of design, color and arrangement. Everyone compliments Syd on the way she’s decorated the house, and then get sort of sheepish when she tells them that most the selection and placement was done by me.

NOW!

Here’s the thing. I don’t just have lovely things. I have a spectacular sense of style, it’s true, but I also have a perverse need to offend that style on occasion.

I also have some wonderfully hideous things. Things that no woman I’ve ever been with has been able to say that she really approves of. We’re going to investigate some of those items, beginning with these fucking things…

These are the hands.

I bought these at a thrift store, and while they are revolting to look at, what mostly attracted me was the inaccuracies present in the legend on each one.

I’m not sure even one of those spots is labeled correctly, which is part of the charm of these things.

It wasn’t until much later that I noticed that the crackling paint was not age, but effect. These things were made in Taiwan and made to look sort of crappy. What’s best is that the paint is gone in places and you can see that they’re actually a sort of blue plastic with some flesh colored paint sort of coated over them. Badly coated at that, and only flesh in the Caucasian sense.

Now, I must say, I hadn’t decided to buy them for these reasons. I am simply attracted to strangely ugly things. I find a sort of beauty in things like these hands, and I enjoy looking at them. These days, you’ll find them on top of the bookshelf in our living room. You might also notice that some other things that will make this list are up there too. As well, of course, as some things that make my “Nice things I own” list… yet to be written.