Food Recipe: Lamb Patties and Self-Respect.

Food Recipe: Lamb Patties and Self-Respect.

I'm going to assume you've already set the oven to 475. I assume this because like me, you don't fuck around when it comes to dinner.

So you get an egg, just one, and you crack it into a medium sized bowl. Then you put about a tablespoon of Worcestershire sauce in the bowl and mix them together with a whisk. Not a goddamned fork, a fucking whisk! If you intend to do this, do it right! Once it's mixed up, you put in a pound of ground lamb, because you are a monster and enjoy eating children. Then put half a cup of bread crumbs and a quarter of a cup of good quality grated parmesan cheese into the bowl. Note that I said good quality. If you use Kraft grated bit of white stuff, I will come to your house and beat you to within an inch of your life. Now you get your hands dirty. Mix that shit, mix it up. Punch it, grab it, squeeze it, call it names, talk smack about its momma. Once you're done, it should be a solidish ball of meat and goodness. Turn it into 8 small patties and put them on the wire rack you prepared earlier, with the half sheet pan underneath to catch the drippings.

That bitch? Goes right into the oven.

Now... for the other issue.

You remember that French baguette I had you buy? You remember that garlic and herb goat cheese? You remember the high quality balsamic vinegar and the infused olive oil? Get on that shit! Cut the bread, about half an inch rounds. Make ten, maybe twelve of them. Mix the oil, vinegar, some salt and spices of your choosing (Today it was Mrs. Dash table mix) into a jar and shake the living fuck out the muthafucka. Then you put the one on the other. Choose wisely, or you will make a goddamned mess. Use a brush if you must, just a bit though, don't soak the bread. A little goat cheese, some thinly sliced and diced yellow onion, a bit of thin or diced pancetta, half a cherry tomato, and some fresh and cut basil or parsley. Or hey, have a party and invite both. Don't be a coward, let those flavors gangbang your mouth.

With that all set up, that mean little bastard also goes in the oven.

Now, once in a while, take some of that oil and vinegar mix and dab it on the meat. Just to help things along. You'll need to turn the patties over once or twice. Just before removing, turn the broiler on and let the whole thing get a little color. Keep the meat on top or you will burn the bread and bring shame upon your family. Once things are nicely cooked, take it all out and serve.

Cut bits off the patty, put them on the bread, and take a bite.

Congratulations, you have copied my dinner for today. You have also cooked for yourself, stood up to the demons of starvation and said "Oh no motherfucker, not today!"

I am proud of you.