Did I ever tell you about the time I nearly shot the Queen of England? Not that I wanted to kill Queen Liz Two (Liz Harder) but what can I say, I was broke and they offered cash.
Now, I could have splattered Liz Harder’s brains all over Philip, which to be honest, was my plan at the time. The problem was, Liz Harder had this really ROCKIN’ hat. I mean, it was an A-Mazing hat. I came, just looking at the hat, the memory of this hat is giving me a stiffy right now. I couldn’t ruin that hat. NOT THAT HAT! So… I decided not to shoot her.
I didn’t get the money, and MI-5 still wants to have a long and drawn out conversation with me. Fortunately though, I was going about with a different name and identity at the time, and this was of course before that whole national manhunt because of the stolen plutonium thing. My point is that I got away in the end, but the people who asked me to kill her are rather miffed. The thing is, you wouldn’t thing a consortium of organic biscuit makers would…huh, he does make organic biscuits, doesn’t he?
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