Monday, July 21, 2014

New Cocktails: Coping Mechanism



When one is wiping out a group of people, one must follow a few simple rules. Remember that it must be stopped once a week as it is considered impolite to commit genocide on a Tuesday. It is also important to remember to keep a cyanide capsule at all times because no one wants to be caught murdering an entire group of human beings.

Always when deciding on the group to be eliminated, always use age-old methods. Never pick a group based on musical tastes, or style of clothing. These things are transitory and will often make you look like a cranky wanker rather than a monster bent on destruction. Religion and ethnic background are the most popular methods for selection, however it is not unheard of to choose a group based on medical conditions or political affiliation. The reasons for selection aren’t terribly important, so long as they sound either insane or amazingly petty to outsiders. The idea is to look like a complete douche when put on trial for crimes against humanity.

When one has selected a group, means and methods are up to the individual, however some things are now considered bad taste. Rubbing one’s genitals, buttocks, or the tangled guts of fallen foes against the sacred places of those fallen is strictly out of bounds. Likewise, phrases like “Ethnic Cleansing” and “Special Treatment” are no longer in fashion. One must now use phrases like “Riding the Chicken” and “Swatting the Monkey” in their place.




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